Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
