Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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