I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
