Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you told grandpa to call you daddy
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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