im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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