Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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