I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
