i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
