When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
