is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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