apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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