Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
