Its about making memories worth repressing
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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