So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
