Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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