Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
