Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
