Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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