I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
