I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
