The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
