dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
