I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
