Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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