Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
