Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
