I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is the high leading the old right now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my liver is dry heaving
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
