You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
