How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
