youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
