and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize