im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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