Cold hands, warm shart.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize