You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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