you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
