how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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