he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
