Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there's paper in my vomit.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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