I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
