oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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