She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
