found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
