Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize