He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
