he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
