you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
