Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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