Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
