take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
