the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't deserve a penis
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
