im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
