i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
