If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
