can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
