I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
