i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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