I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
