dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
