I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
