There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
do nipples grow back?
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