could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
