I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Found the puke drawer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
