Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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