Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
