did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Mom said you looked used
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
