So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
