Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
