Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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