I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We have started to decorate penises.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
