I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
