Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
