big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
