it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
