i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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