Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
